Life is Unfair??

We often say ‘Life is unfair’ but what we essentially mean is ‘it didn’t happen according to my wish’.

So, ‘Life is Unfair’ – is that a fact or a perception? Let’s explore!

Louise Hay says ‘we get what we are’ not what we want – I used to wonder what this means until I am beginning to scratch the surface and understand it.

Actually, how you respond to life depends on your relationship with self, not with the people around you or the challenges they throw at you. Yes, it is our ‘experiences’ with ‘people’ that we deal with (directly or indirectly) and call it ‘Life’. Whether you are affected by a road accident or a decision made by the government, it is people who are driving the cause & effect except for natural disasters that occur occasionally. Some of it is actually as a result of man invading nature but that is a topic for another day.

We often complain that Life is unfair, people are bad, circumstances are unfavourable etc. But how the environment affects you has to do with your perceptions & beliefs and we all know that perceptions & beliefs are far from facts.

Your perception is your reality and may not be true for another person in the same situation, a simple example could be that you admire & adore a person but there maybe someone else who is repelled by your favourite person.

Our perceptions are formed as a result of our limited knowledge gathered through our life experiences with primary caregivers (parents/guardians), other family members, friends, learning institutions, places of work, culture, religious faith, society at large (that part of society where you belong) etc. The definition of society differs for each individual eg. a slum dweller’s society is different than someone living in an upscale neighbourhood. And hence the difference in our value systems; forming our own reality (perception). Ultimately, these are also the same factors that define how you relate to yourself.

A simple example of one of the ways an individual determines his self-worth could depend upon the perception of him/her by his family. My friend Richa, belongs to a family of members who have a doctorate in their field of education whereas she chose to not go beyond Master’s degree. She has been termed a failure in comparison, as a result she often struggles with self-worth issues & constantly tries to win approval & validation from others. On the other hand Rachael comes from a family of not so educated members so when she got her Master’s degree she was labelled as the smartest in the family. The result is that she has a high self-worth & keeps excelling at whatever she does. Today she has managed to achieve a lot more than Richa despite the fact that Richa & Rachael were classmates and have the same degree. Do you see how great a role does perception play in our lives? It is so huge that in a way it shapes our present & future.

There is a radical problem here & that is we grow up absorbing & manifesting from outside to inside because as children & young adults we don’t know any better. We believe in our surroundings & let them shape our inner-selves. This is a perfect setup for success or failure determined by external factors over which we have not an ounce of control because if you are lucky the people around you program you for success but if you are surrounded by individuals with their own baggage they will program you for failure, mind you none of it is intentional, it is all happening by default. All these humans you meet in your family, work place etc. have their own story and their own baggage due to their childhood & other factors over which they had no control. Suddenly the visual that comes to my mind is of headless chickens running around colliding with each other & calling it ‘LIFE’.

However, the good news is that there is a solution to this. And that is, if you work on your relationship with yourselves you will begin manifesting from inside to out.  

Emotions are triggered by perceptions not facts. And how you perceive a situation depends on your relationship with self. I was heavily dependent on how someone one made me feel, as a result sometimes I was on cloud 9 & another time crawling on the floor. This is because I had no relationship with myself. This is true for most people who are easily hurt. The problem is that most of us think this is the normal way of being and hence exists the culture of blame; not happy at work- Boss to blame; not happy in a marriage- spouse to blame, the list is endless & it becomes our 2nd nature to blame life. This phenomenon is known as the ‘victim mentality’. The problem with this mentality is that you will always remain down because you refuse to take ownership of the mess. Unfortunately there is no way out of a shitty situation unless you take responsibility for it & work your way out of it.

I am not saying that we don’t need love & acceptance from our fellow humans, what I am saying is that this love & acceptance begins within us for ourselves, only then can we receive the same from the exterior in a healthy way. You must love yourself unconditionally & accept who you are with all your merits & flaws. It is high time we accept that how we feel is our choice and not any other person’s prerogative. And how we feel about someone else’s behavior towards us depends on how we feel about ourselves.

Hence, the most important relationship of our lives is the one we have with ourselves! But nobody tells us this; it has no mention in our education system, media or any other influence in our day to day lives. We are taught to please people around us, sometimes in the guise of responsibility & duty. But we never pay attention to how we feel when we are doing something that is expected of us. Most of us are focused on how others feel about us.

When you feel others before feeling yourselves you will begin feeling empty & look outside of yourself to fill the void. Many a times this leads to various forms of addictions ranging from substance abuse to being a workaholic or obsessing over someone else and mistaking that obsession to be love. 

Life happens inside out, not outside in & the first step to taking charge of your life is by loving yourself. That is the beginning of your relationship to the most important person of your life. And once you do this, your energy will begin to change & you will begin noticing how Life responds to you differently.

Do you understand now, how your inner self actually moulds your experiences and hence your reality?

Experts say, the experiences that a child is subjected to between the ages of 0 to 8 years shapes his/her entire life. This is rather unfortunate because you have no control over yourself during those years. But what you do have control over is your ‘NOW’ so take action now & begin by healing your inner child & loving yourself. How many times have you heard that love heals all? But when we think of love we always look outside in search of someone else to love & heal? Remember you must look inside before looking outside. You are priority!

Bring this change & see if you still feel that Life is unfair. The nature of life in itself is supportive hence when a baby is born it doesn’t have to struggle to feed himself, his mother has milk as nature’s gift which no money can buy. That is a hard fact & the best analogy to prove that Life indeed is supportive & not against us. We get what we manifest from our core, not what we desire.

Start looking at Life (surroundings) in a new light & see what comes your way!

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